5 REASONS YOUR TEEN WON'T TALK TO YOU
One of the major struggles for parents in the advanced technology age, is communicating with their teens. I specialized in working with difficult teens and their parents so I have seen my share of unhealthy communication patterns. Parents usually complain that they try to talk to their teen but often get short answers like “Fine” and “I don’t know” when they ask a question. Furthermore, parents get frustrated when the teen does not express a problem or concern and often make statements like “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Well, let's just cut to the chase. I run groups regularly with teens who offer excellent feedback and here are 5 common reasons they don’t want to talk to you:
1.You’re a Hypocrite
I think parents sometimes get amnesia and forget what it’s like to be a teen. They somehow want the teen to have this squeaky clean image while they continue to display the exact opposite of that.
Example: Telling your kid not to yell when they are angry while screaming obscenities at them. I’m confused, is it ok to be verbally aggressive or not? You are saying one thing and demonstrating another. I know, I know...do as I say right? I bet you LOVED when your parents said that to you.
2. You’re a Know-it-all
We call this Instant Problem Solving. You are likely the parent that preaches and nags when the teen presents an issue. You have the answers to everything and their lives would be so much easier if they just listened to you!
Example: Think about your work environment and the person that has to correct you in front of EVERYONE all the time, just because they know how to do the job better than you. That can get a little exhausting and you probably would avoid that person at all costs.
3. You Talk but Don’t Listen
This is pretty cut and dry. If you want your teen to talk you’re going to have to be quiet and listen. Even if you feel that you can give amazing feedback you should take the time to hear them out first and try not to interrupt. This should be a regular occurrence and you can start with simple topics and work up to bigger ones.
Example: Your teen comes home from school upset with a friend. Instead of immediately telling them how they should handle the issues, just listen to the entire story. You can even ask questions and check for understanding. In some cases, the teen may even ask you for advice AFTER they feel heard and understood.
4. You’re Scary or Overreact
I can personally attest to this one! I never wanted to talk to my mom about any issues, big or small, because I thought she would freak out. If I complained of a problem at school, she would go to the school and make a scene. She was also verbally aggressive on a regular basis so my siblings and I figured it best to avoid interaction as much as possible.
In my opinion, this is one of the most significant mistakes parents make. If a teen fears talking to you, it’s likely they will not reveal important issues such as abuse, bullying, and depressive symptoms. Instead try to make conversing with your teen safe and relaxing.
5. You’re Super Judgy
Some parents can be super critical of everything thing their teen does. No one wants to live under a microscope. Sometimes sharing with a judgemental parent is exhausting because they give unsolicited opinions or make the teen feel like a disappointment.
Example: Your teen starts talking about a friend from school who you don’t like. Instead of listening you begin preaching about how this friend is a negative influence and insist that the teen stays away from them. Sorry, this is not going to make the teen want to share with you again.
I suggest you take a hard look at these reasons and determine if you are using any of these ineffective techniques with your teen. The goal is to make the teen feel comfortable sharing information with you, but these behaviors only scare them away. Try doing the opposite of some of these behaviors and let me know how it works for you.
#BeLite
If you would like to learn more about healthy communication skills with your teen, be sure to subscribe the the Live Lite Blog and Vlog:
BLOG: https://www.belitecounseling.com/blog
PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/livelitenow/
VLOG: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwJwy5FlpqXESI24DinRKcw
Have questions you want to ask about communicating with her teen? Send an email to belitecounseling@gmail.com
Follow us on Twitter: @live_lite_now IG: @belitecounseling